Meet MS Support Hero Brian Gocking
Written by Nora Gocking
Brian, do you take Nora to be your wife? Do you promise to love her in good times and bad? Do you promise to support her no matter what life throws at you? Do you promise to be her biggest cheerleader? In good times, in bad times, for better or for worse… in sickness and in health?
I told Brian he didn’t sign up for the life of a Multiple Sclerosis caregiver. When you are young and dumb and making marriage vows, you do not know what you are truly committing to. He looked at that young, vibrant 23-year-old in a Duffy, white wedding dress and would have promised her the world to get her hand in marriage. He couldn’t have visualized what was to come. If we had known, the vows would have gone more like this:
Will you walk her to the toilet and hold her body up while she pees when she can’t walk on her own? Will you clean up her vomit when the vertigo becomes overwhelming? Will you fill her pill container weekly and remind her to take those pills daily? Will you sit by her bedside in the hospital and make her laugh? Will you go to every doctor appointment and MRI scan? Will you take her to breakfast after every doctor appointment? Will you constantly research the best foods and vitamins for her to take to keep her body healthy? Will you take up running and run a full marathon with her? Will you never stop ceasing to pray bold prayers of complete and total healing over her body?
Long before MS, Brian and I were in a marriage class at our church. During the class, we were asked to come up with a “slogan” or “tagline” for our relationship… just like you would do for a business. We came up with “Together. Always. Forever”, or TAF for short. In everything I have faced, Brian has been 100% with me. He says often, “we are in this together.” I’ve never faced a second of this walk alone.
I remember when I was diagnosed, Brian was overwhelmed with grief. He looked at me and with a shaking voice and tears pouring from his eyes he said, “I wish it were me instead.” Being the caretaker is the hardest job. I truly mean that. I wouldn’t trade places with him for any amount of money in the world. Brian carries a heavy load, but you wouldn’t know by looking at him. He is the epitome of joy and calm. He steadies us all and brings peace into every situation. I do not know what I did to deserve him, but I hope he knows just how much I appreciate the man he is and all that he does for me and countless others.
We will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary in a few months. We’ve raised two kids and buried a couple of cats, a dog, a parent, and a couple of grandparents. We’ve attended our kids band concerts and lacrosse games and performances and ate popcorn for dinner and lived off a grocery budget of $65 per week at times. We’ve traveled and celebrated and fought and did our fair amount of couch-sleeping. We’ve lost a ton of weight together and gained some of that back. There are more grays and wrinkles with every passing year. But there are countless beautiful memories and moments of stomach-hurting laughter.
To all of the caregivers out there… to the ones who vowed “in sickness and in health” before knowing what the future would hold… thank you. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for being our safe place to fall. Thank you for counting out our pills and cleaning up our vomit and being our biggest fans and cheerleaders. Your kindness and love bring a beacon of light to a dark, dark world.
Nora and Brian Gocking are the creators behind, “Not Today, MS.” Click the links below to read inspirational stories about MS and how to build a healthy and joy-filled life. The podcast is a complementary extension of the website.
